It's the beginning of a new year and I'm not sure what to write, but I have been thinking of updating my blog many times over the past few months. Because I found my life answer in the past few months ......
I attended a meditation retreat in Kuantan in July 2010, it is what I wanted to do all these time but couldn't find the time to do it because the retreat requires 10 days off with total disconnection from phone and internet. I was working on a big project with a US partner at that time, my partner had a project with the US government and had to be off communication for half a month while working in the national lab, so I took the opportunity to sign up for the 10 day course.
That's the starting of my new life. I went back to the meditation retreat in September and stayed for a month. I learn to serve, which is really tough for me but I also gain a lot. I see myself clearer and I start to understand my life purpose - something I've been searching for all these while. To my surprise, it's not to achieve something great in business or to make a lot of money, but it's to be enlightened - to end the suffering in life.
When I first heard of the world 'suffering' during the discourse in the meditation retreat, I had a strong reaction to it. I didn't really pay attention for the rest of the talk on that day. I always think 'suffering' is a Buddhist term, and this meditation course is meant for any religion, but it's using a Buddhist term ? I told the teacher I'm enjoying life, I don't believe life is suffering. After thinking about the term for a day or two, I start to remember suffering moments I had in life, I think I tried to forget all the suffering moments so that I can live a happy life. Through my own observation, I realize that every human being has to go through suffering to learn life lesson.
Having learned the Art of Living from the meditation retreat, I have been living a happy and peaceful life, I don't get upset easily. I learn to let go of many things in life, even when I get angry, it only last for a very short moment. There is hardly anything really upset me. Everytime I'm upset, I analyze what is the problem I am having to learn about myself.
Right now I am facing a challenge, I'm in Taiwan living with my aunt. I had a fight with her last night because she dig out something that hurts me badly. And I haven't spoke to her since. Actually I'm no longer angry with her, but I just can't bring myself to talk to her. I am suppose to let go of my ego, but why can't I talk to her first ?